You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
