I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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