3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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