she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
