In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This house was built for laser tag.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
