Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
