New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
