If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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