what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
