She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
