We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
