Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Panties = found
Randomize