Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
