if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
