sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
