like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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