Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
