I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
