I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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