Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
