I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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