Sponge bath it is.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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