Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
