remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize