Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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