if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
