The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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