So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
