I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
