When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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