Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
