i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Also while Iām drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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