I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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