I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
