Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
