You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
