How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
