When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
