I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
