i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need water and some morals
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
