Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
