My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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