Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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