You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
