my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
