You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
