we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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