pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
