I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
