I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
