Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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