I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
