Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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