Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
