The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Buhtt sex?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
