i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
