I wish my penis had an off switch
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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