Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
