last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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