i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
