i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
