you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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