he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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