He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
