Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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