Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
