I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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