I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
