When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
