dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
