FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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