I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
