When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
