how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
