She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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