So drunk, too bad you don't want this
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
