12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We're too hungover to prance.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
