call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
