sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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