i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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