i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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