it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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