I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
