He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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