just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
