dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
