That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You are a genius and a whore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize