i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
