Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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