Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was a blind-side dick pic.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize