i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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