I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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