8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
