One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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