i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
