So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
