Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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