All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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